Chapter
15

My life would now be a journey, and at its end…… I would go to him.

 

After Waylon talked, I then spoke. I was nervous like I had never been before. Prior to this, I never spoke in public. My stuttering would always make me incomprehensible, but I tried with all my might to just surrender to God that day. Several times during my speech, where I meant to say the name Jackson, I said the name, “Jesus.” But overall, I think both Jackson and God were blessed that day.

 

When I stood up in front of that pulpit and looked out at the crowd, I thought, “I’m speaking to honor you today, Jackson.” The Bible tells us to honor certain people in our lives. In fact, God commands it. I was by no means wanting to “worship” Jackson that day, but I did want to honor him with everything I had. As I looked out in the crowd, I saw such a diverse group of people that Jackson had touched with his life. There were schoolteachers, church friends, extended family members from the bayou to India, and everywhere in between. There were our college friends and our work friends in that room. It was go time for me to share with them on Jackson’s behalf. He would want them to all know the saving Grace of Jesus Christ. So, Jackson sang first, then we joined in:

 

Jackson:

 

“I love you, Lord.

And I lift my voice.

To worship you,

Oh, my soul, rejoice.

 

Take joy, my King,

In what you hear.

May it be a sweet, sweet sound

In your ear”

 

Everyone:

 

“I love you, Lord.

And I lift my voice.

To worship you,

Oh, my soul, rejoice.

 

Take joy, my King,

In what you hear.

May it be a sweet, sweet sound

In your ear”

 

It was quite the picture from my vantage point. It made me smile through my tears to look at the drunks I knew from college join the sari wearing India Americans in worshiping the Lord.

 

It was a powerful service, and I believe both Jackson and God were fully honored.

 

As we were leaving the church the announcement was made that we would be preceding to the grave site. No one but family was expected to come. However, it seemed like everyone came. I was blown away. I think maybe people didn’t want it to end in case that was the end of Jackson. It was not.

 

I remember heading down the highway from the church to the cemetery. People were everywhere on the side of the road. I know people pull over for hearses, but this was more than just that. It was a respect and an honor for a four-year-old boy that I had never seen before nor since.

 

When we were at the gravesite, some words were said by Waylon. Flowers were everywhere! Someone handed Alex a long stem rose. As Waylon was speaking, Alex took the rose and placed it on top of Jackson’s casket above the grave. All of this was done without anyone’s prompting.

 

Towards the end of the service, the casket began to be lowered. Alex had rethought about the rose and wanted it back. I recently shared a cartoon with Lot breaking off a piece of his wife, who had been turned into a piler of salt, to spread it on his French fries. Lot, thinking practically, saw no need to let the salt go to waste. Alex was going to be on this side of the grave and needed that rose. We got it back for her. 😊

 

When we arrived back at our house, there was food everywhere. Church members both that we knew and didn’t know had brought gobs and gobs of food. People began to love on us and showing us that love through food. There were lasagnas, homemade breads, desserts, salads, etc. For weeks and weeks people provided us food. They wouldn’t just bring us an entree or a dessert, but they would bring a fully complete meal. These would often include a salad, a bread, two sides like corn and potatoes, an entrée’, and a huge dessert. These meals would be set to feed at least 10 people each. Seriously, this was brought to our home daily for weeks. I never remember not eating, but after about two months I realized I had lost over 20 pounds. Grief is tough on the body, and weight loss is a real problem. Someone in the Body of Christ knew this and acted to fight against this danger. The fight began from day one. I say all this because there were countless things that the wisdom of the church knew and protected us from throughout our grief.

 

Being back at the house was surreal. The house was big, but it seemed so much bigger now. Jackson’s room was empty, and you could just feel that emptiness. Several times we found our dog, Christopher, just laying in Jackson’s bed all alone. It’s pathetically sad to see a dog in grief, and even Christopher was feeling it.

 

The outside of the house would soon be repopulated with lizards. Jackson loved the outside and had captured hundreds of lizards in the short three and a half months that we had been at that house. My father had built “bug boxes” for Jackson to collect lizards and bugs. He was fascinated with God’s creation. Shortly after we had moved into the house on Military Road, Elna and I returned home from a date night. As we drove into the backyard in the heavily wooded area near the garage, the yard was filled with “lightning bugs.” It was past the kids’ bedtime, but Elna and I captured a couple of the bugs into a bug box and brought them up to Jackson’s room. He had just gone to sleep in his bed. I couldn’t resist, so I woke him up from his sound sleep. I showed him the lightning bugs, and they lit up the room. I remember the look on Jackson’s face. He was wondering if he was dreaming. What kind of magical place had he moved into where bugs lit up like light bulbs??? Yes, God was showing Jackson his beautiful creation.

 

The woods and river were a huge favorite. Every single day, Jackson and Alex would insist on a “river adventure.” These would begin in the backyard near the river’s edge, and then we would literally walk in the river following its current downstream. We were planning to continue this routine for many years to come, so I taught Jackson and Alex a chant to sing in case they ever got lost. It was simple, but went “Follow the river, and you’ll find your way home. Follow the river, and you’ll find your way home.” I remember on one of these days, we had gotten a bit far from the house. My focus was on Alex at the time who was in front of me as we slowly walked in the stream. Suddenly I heard a new stream coming from somewhere. I turned around to see my four-year-old boy casually peeing in the river behind me. I guess this was partial payback for Alex’s “gift” in the bathtub years before. When Jackson was about 2 and a half and Alex was about 1 and a half, Elna decided to make a profession of her faith and get baptized. She had accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior at 16 back in high school, but she didn’t get baptized until she was in her thirties. Jackson and Alex got to witness their mom get baptized. They literally cheered for her as she took the plunge as Jesus had commanded. The night Elna got baptized, Niki was bathing both Jackson and Alex together in their shared bathroom. Jackson told Niki that he wanted to get baptized too right then and there. Niki obliged and baptized him right then. Shortly thereafter, I heard a scream of anger from Jackson, and I came running to their bathroom. Jackson was naked and wet and had jumped out of the bath water. He was very angry at his one-and-a-half-year-old sister that had pooped in their bath water / baptismal water. He was mad, but the whole thing made us all laugh.

 

Matthew 28 New International Version

 

19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”