Chapter
40

If you want to be Spiritually healthy, it’s imperative that you nourish yourself with Jesus. He is the Bread of Life. He is the Word of God that became flesh. My healing from our grief didn’t come from Xanax. It didn’t come from time “healing all wounds.” It came from my belief in the One that holds tomorrow. He is the giver and sustainer of life. It’s in Him that I put my faith. I know Him better today than I did 25 years ago. That’s not by accident. I hung on to Him as an anchor for my soul. Recently, I rented a pontoon boat to take out for a day. As the rental company was handing over the boat to me, they went through a checklist of things that I should know about their boat. One of the things that they pointed out to me was where the anchor was located. They said that when I throw the anchor into the water to make sure that the rope is tied securely not only to the anchor but also to the boat. They said that every single day they have to charge someone who has lost an anchor into the waves because they didn’t tie the anchor to the boat. The anchor is useless unless it’s attached to the boat.

 

If Jesus is our anchor, then it’s important to attach ourselves firmly to him.

 

It’s important to get to know who Jesus really is. We all have a picture or image of who we think Jesus is. “My Jesus” may not look like “Your Jesus.” However, that doesn’t change who Jesus really is. We don’t get to create Jesus. As I stated before, there is no sense in “My Truth” and “Your Truth.” There is only “The Truth.” So how do we get to know who Jesus really is? We read God’s Word. The entire Bible is the story of Jesus. Everything points the reader to who He is. Everything we read is another revelation of God’s Love. In fact, plain and simple, God is Love. Getting to know God’s true character will never disappoint.

 

Here’s what I do. I pick up the Bible. I then pray to God something like this: “Good Morning, God. I want to know you for who you really are. I ask that as I read your Word (The Bible), that you would speak to me through it. I ask that you take the words that I read and have them reveal to me who you really are.”

 

The more I know of God, the more I can’t help but fall deeply in love with Him.

 

Your environment is particularly important. A few weeks after Jackson’s passing, I had the radio on, and it was tuned to an Alanis Morsette song. The lyrics were playing not only on the radio, but also in my head. It was so depressing and was pulling me down and away from God. I was already so depressed. I couldn’t take the world pulling me down as well. But there was a quick fix to that. I reached out and turned off the radio. It was really just that simple. No garbage in. No garbage absorbed. No garbage out.

 

That’s not a swipe at just Alanis Morsette. It’s a revelation that what I’m exposed to matters. If I attempt to follow Christ by simply going to church every Sunday for one hour, then that leaves 167 other hours each week for the world to shape who I am. I can’t imagine that Elna and I would have a particularly good marriage if I only got to know her and spend time with her for one hour each week.

 

Therefore, I switched off Alanis Morsette, and I filled my time with a relationship with God.

 

I held tight to the Body of Christ. Who is this Body of Christ? It’s followers of Jesus. It’s men and women that realized that they were sinners in need of a Savior. They found that Savior in the one and only Son of God, Jesus. They know how hard life can be, so they commit to do life together. They love God, and they love people. They hold their brothers and sisters in Christ accountable, and they rejoice when others follow the way of the Lord. They hold my hand and wipe my tears when I am down. They celebrate what God is doing in our lives and throughout the world.

 

The member of the Body of Christ that is closest to me is my wife, Elna. Elna and I met in high school. I remember the first time I heard her voice. I was sitting in my home room class listening to the announcements over the loudspeaker. Elections were happening for class officers, and Elna was running for secretary. We had over 400 people in our class, and about 2000 people in our high school overall. It was hard to know everyone. Elna came over the loudspeaker and began, “Hi! I’m Elna Patel! You might know me as the girl with the long black hair……..”

 

As she continued on in her speech, I kept focusing on whether or not I knew who she was. I thought, “Long black hair with the last name of Patel?????” Oh yeah. I know who she is. She was always nice to everyone, which I could only imagine was difficult to be at that high school. I know most people hated me, and I did nothing to try to change that. However, Elna was always so positive and friendly, even when people wrote in chalk in the street in front of her house the words “Sand Nigger.”

 

Not everyone at the school was awful. One young lady named Margaret Vegh was the most popular girl in the school. Margaret befriended Elna and invited her to church. Elna was quick to say “Yes.” Elna shared that she went to be friends with Margaret. However, in the process, she met her true best friend, Jesus. At the age of 16, Elna became a child of God. At the age of 17, Elna and I met. We were friends throughout our senior year and became very close. At the end of senior year, Elna asked me to go with her to academic awards night. There was no reason for me to go since I was getting no awards. However, I sat in the audience as Elna was called up on stage again and again to receive accolades. It was a special night for an incredibly special young woman. I remember seeing Elna in a whole different way that night. After leaving school that night, Elna and I went to get coffee and beignets at a 24-hour coffee shop. We sat in that coffee house and talked on and on and on. I fell in love with her. We snuck her back into her house through a window at 3 am that night.

 

Later that week, my sister threw me a small high school graduation party at her house. I think we may have had 10 other kids that showed up. One of those was Elna. She was the last to leave the party. I remember sitting out on the deck behind my sister’s house with just Elna. My heart was racing. I wanted badly for my friend Elna to become my girlfriend Elna. As I sat there timidly, Elna boldly moved in and planted a huge kiss right on my lips. I felt like my heart would explode. That night while I lay in my sister’s guest room, I remember staring at the ceiling and thanking God. I had been pouring out my heart to God for years how lonely I had been. I had asked him to send me the woman that He had picked for me. He sent me this incredible woman named Elna.

 

That was in May of 1983. At Thanksgiving of that same year, I asked Elna to marry me. On June 1, 1985, we were married. She was nineteen. I had just turned twenty. We were babies, but we wanted to grow up together. We did, but we encountered many tough roads along the way.

 

I don’t really know why Elna chose to be with me. I was an idiot. I was a snot nosed kid who had a bumper sticker made for my sports car that read, “I love Izod, Calvin, Pierre, and Myself.” I was sometimes funny, but I had a drinking problem that would turn a “fun time” into an anger filled disaster in a moment. Needless to say, I was a pompous little twit. Yet, she stayed with me anyway. I certainly didn’t deserve her love, but she gave it to me anyway. Whether or not she knew it, in the early years of our marriage she was displaying an awesome example of God’s Grace and God’s Mercy. She gave me love that I didn’t deserve, and she withheld the punishment that I did deserve.

 

Most of our obstacles were caused by our own bad choices. However, there were many awesome times. Our best times were when we made the best choices. Those best choices were when we followed God’s direction for our life and not our own. Throughout our relationship, we were both Christians. However, until Elna became pregnant with Jackson we were baby Christians that didn’t want to grow up. Jackson’s life changed that. We now clearly saw that we needed to mature, so God made a way. God embedded us in His Church and put us on an advanced track in growth in Him.

 

With that growth, Elna became more and more beautiful to me. I think I also became more and more attractive to her. Knowing that, we both dove deeper and deeper into becoming more like Jesus.

 

When Jackson passed, this became of extreme importance. I needed my wife more than I ever had and more than I ever would. I had a choice to make. I would either push her away or hold her tight. God gave me the wisdom to know that the best choice was His way. I chose to hold tight to my wife, the mother of my children. While Elna’s grief was not exactly like mine, her grief was as close to the intensity of mine as any other human being’s grief would ever be. Twenty years later when others would forget Jackson completely, Elna would hold tightly to every single memory of him. When others would think of me as weak when I cried, Elna would wipe my tears and understand. In the Garden of Eden, God saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone, so he made a mate specifically for Adam. Elna and I were made specifically for each other. We are each other’s help mates through this life. While being married is far from easy, it was and is the best way possible to journey through grief.

 

Elna is an awesome mother. Elna has excelled in many things in this life, but she is best at being a mom. She has cared deeply for every child from before their conception and will continue to do so for eternity. I could attempt to lay out all the efforts that Elna has done to take care of her kids, but it would fall short of the most important thing she has done for her children. That most important thing is that she recognized her limitation, and the limitation of our kids. She recognized that she was not going to be their god, and neither would our kids be our god. She recognized that we all needed a Savior as a foundation for our lives. She found the Savior, and then she made sure our kids were raised with full knowledge of who He is. She recognized that she was anointed to be the mother of our children. She was not anointed to be their friend. Kids can have a lot of friends in their life. They only have one mother. Elna has always strived to be the best. She has succeeded.

 

Fourteen months after Grace was born, we welcomed our fourth and final child into the world. Scarlet Hope Dease was born on February 19th, 2001. Hope came into the world with a gusto for life. She’s always been a concrete thinker. I remember when she was about three years old she had done something that was blatantly disobedient and disrespectful. Elna was in shock at what she had done, and she verbally scolded her. In a firm voice, Elna said to Hope, “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?”

 

Responding as the concrete thinker that Hope is, she said to Elna as if in disbelief of Elna having to ask her such a ridiculous question, “I’m Hope Dease?”

 

To Hope everything seems black and white. It’s a wonderful way to see the world. She has taught me so much as she shares her perspective and point of view. Hope, like each of my children, is a follower of Christ. She made this decision at a young age. Her sister, Grace, had decided to make a public profession of her faith and get baptized. Grace, Elna, and I had talked in detail about the decision Grace was making. As Sunday came, Grace walked down the aisle of church to announce to the church that she wanted to get baptized. Grace asked that I walk down with her. As we were waiting to speak to the pastor in the front of the church, Hope and Elna came a few steps after us. I turned around to ask Elna what was happening. Elna said that Hope asked if she could get baptized as well and accept Jesus as her Lord and Savior. Elna said to Hope that we would talk about it when we got home. Hope responded with a statement saying that the decision wasn’t up to Elna. It was a decision between only Hope and God, and the decision was made. Hope said that Jesus was already living in her heart, and Elna couldn’t keep Him out. Our concrete thinker saw the decision as clearly as the difference between lightness and darkness. She had chosen the Light.

 

Needless to say, Elna then walked with Hope down the aisle of the church that same day. Our fourth and final child was our sister in Christ. 😊

 

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

 

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.